Alright, I'm serious now. Time to get some blogging done.

I'm not even kidding now. I've been neglecting my blog now for months and months and it's just not fair on the poor bugger. I've been having alot of issues lately with my writing. Ideas have been launching from my head like rounds from an AK-47.

I've never been so excited than in the past two weeks to just start writing and get it all on paper. But then that's when the problems start. My first theory is is that I'm simply creating far too many ideas so that I am paralyzed by them. I want to pursue a story in terms of zombies but then I want to implement an element of sci-fi, then a romance, and then nuclear fallout, and then everything gets back to the way it’s supposed to be. And then the circle continues… You see what I mean?

It’s so difficult to focus on a segment of writing that I’m particularly happy with. So instead, I've decided to do something a little bit different. I’m going to try and write in my blog as much as I humanly can. I’m going to flood my pages with content of my own life in order to get a break from the fiction and make believe and focus on the reality and normality that I am burdened with. So as I write this, I am currently at my job. I know, I know, I should be working.

Well I still am. I’m at the front desk, I’m talking to people and making others feel welcome when they arrive. But I've been so effective. (I thank ya) That there’s presently nothing for me to keep myself occupied with. And alas, here we are. It’s come down to this. My boredom has overtaking me and now I’m writing whilst working. It’s a dream come true, in the worse possible sense. Still, I have three and a half hours left before my shift ends and with the majority of my work done. I can just relax and make sure that the place doesn't catch on fire or something. And I haven’t even gotten to the best news yet. I don’t work tomorrow.

Another relaxing day off before the scourge of Monday. Anyway, this entry has gone on for long enough. I've been ranting and raving, trying to get myself to be happy with what I've been writing, and now look. This must be over four hundred words long. I’m quite proud of myself. Well done Daniel, well done.

A start of a new way of writing life

This is certainly going to be an interesting project.


So hello ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the life of a 24-year-old gay man living in Chelmsford Essex, United Kingdom.


The name is Daniel. You can call me Dan if you like but under no circumstances should you call me Danny. I’m serious. I’ll rip your nose off and give it to a crying toddler as a play toy.


Why am I writing this blog? Simple really, the first reason is because I enjoy writing. I hardly ever get a chance to write nowadays due to my ball-breaking, mind-crushing writer’s block that lives permanently within my skull. So instead I write random gibberish and attempt to form them all into understandable sentences.


Secondly, there’s always a lot going on in my little feeble mind. It never hurts to simply write them all down.

Let’s get the ball started shall we.

Currently I am at my part-time job writing this very blog post. (I won’t say where I work because that’s pretty dumb right? But let’s just say that I work in hospitality/front of house) my job demands I sit here and talk to the public on a very regular basis. Generally there’s nothing wrong with that. If you were to ask me seven years ago if this was going to be my job, I wouldn’t believe you. Back then I worked behind the scenes and on my frigid lonesome. I enjoyed it. I didn’t interact with others and I never had to worry about what they thought of me. It was quite easily the best job I ever had (Taking away the hours of mindless and physically demanding work I had to do, it was great!)


But now, I work very closely with the public and if there was one person who I had to blame for this change then that would be my mother.

When we both worked at the same job together, she forced me to help her out at the centre’s café in the early hours of the morning. She would prepare the food and I would talk to the customers, take their orders and money. I remember these shifts to this day like they were yesterday. There was nothing more awkward and difficult for a seventeen year old then to talk and ‘mingle’ with random strangers at 7 o’clock in the morning. I remember trying to interact and be funny and have a laugh but it was all so forced. Nothing I said or did seem to come across as being natural. Nothing I truly did flowed correctly. It was only because I watched my mother’s behaviour and demeanour as she worked that I discovered the following aspects to overcoming this problem.


• Make yourself appealing to people.
• Be polite.
• Smile.
• Positive body language.

And the most important lesson she ever taught me. “Remind yourself that it’s not the end of the world. If you make a mistake, you make a mistake. It’s natural and understandable. You’re only human and so are they.”

True words in my opinion. Words that have helped shape my behaviour to the way I am now. Hell I would never have the balls to do what I do nowadays if I knew I couldn't have a back-and-forth with a customer on a daily basis.

FTL Videos

So yeah, if no one has seen it. I decided to make a play through with the fantastic Michael Hicks of the new game FTL - Faster Than Light.

House

Watching House MD always makes me feel profound, or rather gives me moments where I could conquer most of my insecurities and push through anything.

I had a rather bland and uneventful day today. Another day of unemployment. I try hard to find jobs but nothing seems to come back to me, nothing at all. I feel useless most of the time but I know I must pervasive.

When I was younger, I used to turn to my writing in an attempt to feel something, a connection to a fictional world to call my own, but now...I imagine that's quite difficult to do after you pass 20-years-old.

I digress I suppose.

Tomorrow is another fresh day, and tomorrow I will prove to myself and others that I can push myself beyond the borders of their impressions of me, I will apply for jobs, I will make articles and reviews for the site I work for AND I will go to the gym despite my physical limitations. I have to drown my brain with actives to do otherwise I could forever be caught in this minefield, this...sorrowful and lazy place.

To tomorrow! And everything that comes beyond it. 

NaNoWriMo Day 2 + 3 Logs